In some ways I feel like I am too sad for words, in other ways I need to write this and lay my feelings out in words. The tears are flowing freely and I am in shock and just so sad. My dear brother-in-law Rodney is battling leukemia. He was diagnosed about five weeks ago, in some ways the time has flown, in other's it's been long and drawn out. During the five week he has had two rounds of chemotherapy. We received the news today that the second round was not successful, just as the first round was not successful. He is also struggling with a fungal infection that is very bad. This news is just so devastating to us. In some ways it feels like I've known Rodney my whole life. He joined our family when I was just in grade school because my sister is nine years older than me. I remember being the annoying little sister bugging him and my sister, and it is almost too much to bear to think of losing him. He has a wonderful sense of humor and is just an amazing husband and father. I just feel so bad for Rodney and don't want him to be sick or to suffer in pain. I feel bad for Kerry that she has to watch her husband go through this, manage her time between trips to the hospital and being with their girls, and just to go through this. I feel so so sad for my beautiful nieces, Ashley, Emma, and Claire. They are just too young to have to deal with this and face this. This is the week they had for a year planned to be in Disney World, but who would of known this is how the week would turn out. And I feel bad for all of his family and my family and ourselves that we have to go through this too. I never realized before how much the family of the person dealing with an illness like this goes through. I guess the questions in my head tonight are, why Rodney? and just a pleading to God to please not take him away from us. I know God can still work a miracle if He chooses. It just seems like all the answers lately have been no, and that is so hard. God has given me so much for which I am thankful for in my life. My precious daughter's are a miracle and how God brought them to our family is a miracle. How amazing my family is, is a miracle and how close we all are is a miracle. Through our adoption process and infertility God taught me some hard lessons that I am not in control and there are times I sure desire to be in control of things and situations, but God is. I will continue to trust that God has a plan whatever that plan may be and ask anyone and everyone who reads our blog to pray for my family. I don't know how anyone without faith goes through something like this. It is really hard for me right now to focus on doing my job some days and to focus on even being a good mom some days. But those are both things I need to do and God has called me to the greatest job in the world, being a mom. So tonight I will hold my husband and my girls a little tighter and enjoy every moment God gives all of us.