Birth Mothers

So I was thinking the other day that I would impart my wisdom from working with birth mothers! First of all it is the greatest blessing to be able to know and work with these amazing girls and women. I have worked with five girls/ young ladies who have chosen placement and about 5 others who have chosen parenting. I have met all these girls through Cherish House, a maternity home in Spirit Lake, Ia. The ranged in age from 12 - 21. At time birth parent counseling is very very hard but it also is so rewarding. It is amazing to be able to see first hand what they go through to be able to tell my girls someday about how much thier birth mother loved them. I believe that birth mothers love thier child more than those who parent when they are not ready and have thier child go through a life where they are not ready and not able to provide for thier needs. Does this mean that placement is best for all of them, absolutely not, some of them just need the tools to help them parent thier child and are very successful. I have the privledge of getting to see one of the girls I counseled with her little boy and that is a blessing too, to see her succeed. All of these birth mothers loved thier child so unconditionally they were able to put thier needs ahead of thier own, because it is the hardest thing any of them will do in life, and still years later think of thier child daily. Every single girl that I have walked through placement of thier child with has at one piont in time said they couldn't do it and wanted to change thier mind, which is normal. All of them chose the adoptive family from profile albums and chose for vaious reasons, ranging from, they looked rich, to what religion they were, to them having a cute profile book. All were matched with the right family, which is so evident when a family they choose doesn't work out but the Lord knows the right family and leads them to the right family. All of the girls I have worked with have chosen open adoption or semi-open adoption because they wanted to meet the families adopting thier child and some wanted future contact with pictures and letters or with visits with thier child and the adoptive family. They really think through what they feel will help them through the process, whether future visits will help them or make them feel worse, and it is hard to know how they will feel in the future, and sometimes choose not have those visits later because they are too emotional for them, but often they are very positive and they get to see that thier child is healthy, loved, and happy, which is sometimes what they need to get through this process. I think that if you work with a birth mother enough you know what they are going to need in the future. I have gotten to know these young ladies so well and still have contact with all of them. I love them all so dearly, with all thier different personalities and ways of dealing with things. In all this is the hardest thing they do in life but do it because they love thier child enough to give them a life with more oportunities. I think it is so important to teach adopted children about thier birth parents, the more they can know about them and have a picture of them, the less they wonder about who they were and if they looked like them. I also think it is so important to share with adopted children the great love thier birth parent had for them to place them for adoption, and if you have the reasons tht birth mother gave, to give them those reasons. Such as not financially stable, not able to give the child a father, etc. Most of all these young woman show me what Christ's love is all about and teach me maybe more than I can teach them. I think a lot of time we forget that in order for us to be so happy about getting a child and expanding our families that there is someone who is hurting so bad and will hurt for a long time because they lost thier child. The loss is comparable to a death, even though the child is healthy and safe, they lose getting to see them grow up, thier first steps, going to school, birthdays, and everything else. And we are given all of these things because they made the choice to choose life and choose to give thier child a better life. I love Aniah and Eden's birth mothers for the gifts they have given us, without them, we would not be able to be parents.