FEAR

It may seem odd that I titled a post about us adopting again with Fear. However it seems very fitting to title the post that.

So first of all, we have started the process to adopt again! We are very excited and the girls are excited too. We are still in the home study process of filling out paperwork and completing back ground checks, etc, and we are hoping for the home study to be completed by the end of February. After our home study is completed we will apply for grants and work on fundraising for our adoption. Our goal is to have a profile book completed and out for birth mothers to look at by June possibly, and then the waiting. With working in adoption I have seen many families waiting much longer than they have in the past. Many ask why that is and the answer is that there are more families doing domestic adoption over international adoption that are open to children of other races, so that makes more families available and sometimes can be a longer waiting time, not always but it is very possible we will have to wait longer than we did for either of the girls. But of course it is all in God's hands.

We have really been praying and seeking God's will for this adoption. We explored international adoption and may still go that route if God leads us there, but are leaning towards another domestic adoption because we believe that is what God is calling us to and is best for our girls at this time. Trusting God's plan for our life, that is really really easy for all of us Christians to say and a phrase that rolls off the tongue quickly, however it is much much harder to really believe that and trust that for your life. Adoption is not easy, anyone who has done it knows that, but often many who have not really have no clue about the ups and downs and the emotional and financial investment involved in adopting a child. That brings me back to FEAR- we can let fear rule our lives and overtake us because there are many many things to fear when it comes to any sort of adoption. Adopted children have gone through a loss that will and has effected that child's brain development. Whether children are adopted at a day old or 5 years old, their brain is changed in the developmental stages of their life. I of course do not want to stereotype any adopted child, however adoptive parenting is different than parenting biological children and often much much harder. It is not something that anyone or everyone can or should do. That is a big fear, will this child love me as their parent, will this child have developmental or other issues in their life to deal with, will this child attach and bond to their parent. We can let those fears overwhelm us and let us say I am not doing that, too scary.

Adoption is a HUGE emotional investment. So many ups and downs are part of the adoption process. We went through one of the hardest parts of domestic adoption last time, when we lost our little boy and the birth parents changed their mind. We can let that fear overwhelm us and say NO WAY are we going to be hurt like that again, we won't adopt again.

Another fear is the financial investment involved in adoption. It is very expensive and almost no one who adopts can afford all of the costs associated with it without help from others. Is it easy to write a letter and ask for money from others, not at all, is it easy to do fundraisers that take many hours of work, is it easy to fill out tons of paperwork to apply for grants, is it easy to give up things in life to save for adoption, absolutely not. We can let the financial aspects of adoption stop us from adoption again and the fear that we can't afford it make us say again, no way are we adopting.

But again back to my statement about really trusting God and following His plans for your life. Adopting isn't about getting a cute baby, having all the money to pay for it, or thinking that it will all go smoothly without it being just plain hard. The bottom line is that is about following God's will and plan for your life. When we let our fears about adoption overwhelm us and stop us from adopting we say "No God I don't trust you and your plan." We have two amazing little girls, shouldn't we just be happy with them and be done. Of course we are happy with our girls and our family but we don't feel our family is complete. We believe that God has another child planned for our family. We trust God to work out all of our fears and concerns (well we trust Him most of the time, there are still times those fears that are not from the Lord get a hold of us and paralyze us with fear) but ultimately we trust.

We believe there is a child out there that is meant to be in our family. God chose our girls for us from the beginning of time. Our girls came to our family and were planned for our family all the way from North Carolina. At this time we feel like we are being led to another domestic adoption, but if God has a child for us in Africa, we will go and follow His plan, because again if it was about us and what we wanted we wouldn't do any of this, it is too costly in many many ways. This is about trusting God to work through those fears and hard times. Believe me there are times when I think about how we could be hurt again that the last thing I want to do is put myself through that again, but we TRUST GOD, and God is calling us to this. We have prayed and sought His will and believe.

So we jump in again trusting God that he knows every last detail. He knows where our child is at, He knows which agency we need to use, He knows if even though now we feel led to a domestic adoption that if He desires we will go to Africa. He knows if we are supposed to have another girl or a boy, and how we are going to get the money to afford this, and He knows what lessons He needs to teach us through this. Unfortunately patience is hard for both of us, and we are worried this is a good time for God to really teach us about patience!! But again we TRUST GOD'S PLAN- much easier to say than to really believe and follow in your life!

I am really hoping to keep us with this blog better and to update more about our adoption process! Please pray for God to make His will clear to us and for us to trust Him in all aspects of our adoption process!